My Flight Report

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Sickbag
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My Flight Report

Postby Sickbag » Sat Jan 29, 2011 11:01 pm

ryanair Gatwick to Dublin
As I entered the gate I noticed the Ryan Air profit-maximisation Gestapo were making lustful eyes at my carry on wheely bag, I knew what they where thinking : lets force him to put it in the baggage checking cage and then weigh it to see if we can fleece a few more quid off the sucker,thankfully due to my rapid reaction to the gate number being announced I was at the head of the large and generally uncivilised crowd that make up Ryanair's "customers" I managed to get past them unhindered, and was swiftly herded into the departure lounge with the thought that if ever there was to be another shoah, Ryanair would beat the German Railways hands down in bidding for the transportation contract and probably mange to sell scratch cards to the prisoners on the way to the concentration camps.

As I had my hand in a plaster I didn't bother to try bag my usual seat either at the front door or in the emergency exit seats but choose for once to board by the rear exit along with the other plebs. my luck was in; the person seating next to me was neither drunk nor stank. After attempting to ignore both the condensing and contemptuous welcome from the flight deck and the incompressible eurotrash babel safety lecture from the cabin crew I settled myself in with steely resolve determined that neither the garish yellow colour scheme or incessant marketing of food you wouldn't feed to a tramp, would induce a psychotic response,this time.
As the 737 the-all-new-generation or whatever its called trundelled down the runway I made the familiar mental calculation that the newness of the aircraft over the assumed corner cutting of Ryanair's maintenance programme probably meant I wouldn't die but if I did it would be a wonderful kind of relief from the stink of heated plastic cheese, the distorted high volume marketing recordings trying to sell me shit like shitty scratch cards or smokeless cigarettes and if the plane did crash into a wonderful smoking hole I would be spared from having to listen to the fuckingfuckingfucking annoying trumpet fanfare that declares "another Ryanair flight on time" I would gladly have the flight arrive hours and hours late just so I didn't have to hear that f***ing-trumpety-trumpety shitsqueak .

That's about it;on the way there we flew through some clouds and shit.
On the way back the person sitting next to me stank of alcohol.
we also flew through some cloud and shit.
On both flights the ground was very close then was very far away until the ground became very close again.

Still what can you expect for £16?
2022: The year of the Squid Singularity

B77W-QOTS
Posts: 1449
Joined: Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:47 pm
Location: Melbourne Australia

Re: My Flight Report

Postby B77W-QOTS » Sun Jan 30, 2011 3:47 am

That is friken good sickie :D
"We are running an airline not a circus," - Qantas spokeswoman

Peter_K
Posts: 667
Joined: Thu Feb 14, 2008 7:36 pm
Location: Poland

Re: My Flight Report

Postby Peter_K » Sun Jan 30, 2011 7:13 pm

we also flew through some cloud and shit.
On both flights the ground was very close then was very far away until the ground became very close again.
You mean to say, you weren't charged for looking out the window?

Ed
Posts: 795
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2008 9:27 am

Re: My Flight Report

Postby Ed » Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:12 pm

ryanair Gatwick to Dublin
As I entered the gate I noticed the Ryan Air profit-maximisation Gestapo were making lustful eyes at my carry on wheely bag, I knew what they where thinking : lets force him to put it in the baggage checking cage and then weigh it to see if we can fleece a few more quid off the sucker,thankfully due to my rapid reaction to the gate number being announced I was at the head of the large and generally uncivilised crowd that make up Ryanair's "customers" I managed to get past them unhindered, and was swiftly herded into the departure lounge with the thought that if ever there was to be another shoah, Ryanair would beat the German Railways hands down in bidding for the transportation contract and probably mange to sell scratch cards to the prisoners on the way to the concentration camps.

As I had my hand in a plaster I didn't bother to try bag my usual seat either at the front door or in the emergency exit seats but choose for once to board by the rear exit along with the other plebs. my luck was in; the person seating next to me was neither drunk nor stank. After attempting to ignore both the condensing and contemptuous welcome from the flight deck and the incompressible eurotrash babel safety lecture from the cabin crew I settled myself in with steely resolve determined that neither the garish yellow colour scheme or incessant marketing of food you wouldn't feed to a tramp, would induce a psychotic response,this time.
As the 737 the-all-new-generation or whatever its called trundelled down the runway I made the familiar mental calculation that the newness of the aircraft over the assumed corner cutting of Ryanair's maintenance programme probably meant I wouldn't die but if I did it would be a wonderful kind of relief from the stink of heated plastic cheese, the distorted high volume marketing recordings trying to sell me shit like shitty scratch cards or smokeless cigarettes and if the plane did crash into a wonderful smoking hole I would be spared from having to listen to the fuckingfuckingfucking annoying trumpet fanfare that declares "another Ryanair flight on time" I would gladly have the flight arrive hours and hours late just so I didn't have to hear that f***ing-trumpety-trumpety shitsqueak .

That's about it;on the way there we flew through some clouds and shit.
On the way back the person sitting next to me stank of alcohol.
we also flew through some cloud and shit.
On both flights the ground was very close then was very far away until the ground became very close again.

Still what can you expect for £16?
I'll sit by you anytime Iceman...but I must caution that I will stink of alcohol and likely pork product, and as you may be a dirty, filthy terrorist Muslim sympathizer, you may not like my pork-laden farts (or, as we North Americans like to call them, sharts...aka skid marks). I'll still sit by you...safe in the knowledge that if you get up to go to the head, I can take you down legally for being a suspect terrorist. They would prolly (<- note, for you) give me a medal!..or a Nobel Peace Prize...or the key to Skegness!!!! Brilliant! calutron!!!!

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Sickbag
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Re: My Flight Report

Postby Sickbag » Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:42 pm

I'll sit by you anytime Iceman...but I must caution that I will stink of alcohol and likely pork product, and as you may be a dirty, filthy terrorist Muslim sympathizer, you may not like my pork-laden farts (or, as we North Americans like to call them, sharts...aka skid marks). I'll still sit by you...safe in the knowledge that if you get up to go to the head, I can take you down legally for being a suspect terrorist. They would prolly (<- note, for you) give me a medal!..or a Nobel Peace Prize...or the key to Skegness!!!! Brilliant! calutron!!!!

And there was me thinking a Ryanair flight couldn't possibly get any worse...
2022: The year of the Squid Singularity

Ed
Posts: 795
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2008 9:27 am

Re: My Flight Report

Postby Ed » Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:53 pm

I'll sit by you anytime Iceman...but I must caution that I will stink of alcohol and likely pork product, and as you may be a dirty, filthy terrorist Muslim sympathizer, you may not like my pork-laden farts (or, as we North Americans like to call them, sharts...aka skid marks). I'll still sit by you...safe in the knowledge that if you get up to go to the head, I can take you down legally for being a suspect terrorist. They would prolly (<- note, for you) give me a medal!..or a Nobel Peace Prize...or the key to Skegness!!!! Brilliant! calutron!!!!
And there was me thinking a Ryanair flight couldn't possibly get any worse...
Oh it can get much worse....I've been to Prague!

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Verbal
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Re: My Flight Report

Postby Verbal » Mon Jan 31, 2011 8:03 pm

Ed, I am going to Tweet all my followers that you are a bad person. You have been warned.
"I'm putting an end to this f*ckery." - Rayna Boyanov

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Gabriel
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Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina

Re: My Flight Report

Postby Gabriel » Mon Jan 31, 2011 9:24 pm

Ed, I am going to Tweet all my followers that you are a bad person
You gonna Tweet both of them?

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Not_Karl
Previously banned for not socially distancing
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Re: My Flight Report

Postby Not_Karl » Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:13 pm

Ed, I am going to Tweet all my followers that you are a bad person
You gonna Tweet both of them?
They're four, actually: Karl, pkonowrocki, ptbodale and Cillit Bang.
International Ban ALL Aeroplanies Association, founder and president.

"I think, based on the types of aircraft listed, you're pretty much guaranteed a fiery death."
- Contemporary Poet flyboy2548m to a Foffie.

OldSowBreath
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Re: My Flight Report

Postby OldSowBreath » Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:59 pm

He's got Ol'Sow on speed tweet.

Ed
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Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2008 9:27 am

Re: My Flight Report

Postby Ed » Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:55 am

Ed, I am going to Tweet all my followers that you are a bad person. You have been warned.
you are bad man - i call jihad on you

AndyToop
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Joined: Tue Feb 05, 2008 9:19 pm

Re: My Flight Report

Postby AndyToop » Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:25 pm

Ed, I am going to Tweet all my followers that you are a bad person. You have been warned.
you are bad man - i call jihad on you
Is Jihad on twitter now too - We is freinds on FB and he digs my mySpace. I'll have to poke him and tell him to follow me innit.

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Verbal
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Re: My Flight Report

Postby Verbal » Wed Feb 02, 2011 12:57 am

you are bad man - i call jihad on you
I will send an angry mob to your house demanding your resignation.
"I'm putting an end to this f*ckery." - Rayna Boyanov


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