Seen there: How to stop tired stupid pilots from crashing.

An open discussion of aviation safety related issues.

Moderators: FrankM, el, Dmmoore

User avatar
3WE
Posts: 8133
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:37 pm
Location: Flyover, America

Seen there: Various suggestions for safety improvements.

Postby 3WE » Wed Apr 12, 2017 7:19 pm

...from one of Flyboy's countrymen as opposed to Deutschland.
Commercial Pilot, Vandelay Industries, Inc., Plant Nutrient Division.

User avatar
Not_Karl
Previously banned for not socially distancing
Posts: 4126
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2009 6:12 pm
Location: Bona Nitogena y otra gaso, Argentina

Re: Seen there: How to stop tired stupid pilots from crashing.

Postby Not_Karl » Wed Apr 12, 2017 9:35 pm

Food contamination:
-I would completely ban crewmembers from eating and drinking from 24 hours before flying until after the landing. That would also limit the "one pilot goes to the bathroom and the other crashes the plane" risk (but I would still force them to wear diapers, just in case), and Flyboy's usual routine of drunken forest running.

Fire protection:
-To reduce the chances of a deadly fire after a landing screw-up by stupid pilots, airplanes should only land on water. For those affected by unsightly scars, free boob implants (independent of gender) to distract other people from viewing the scars.
-Water landing survivability: Make inflatable planes.

Braking:
-Make the whole runway from EMAS (not necessary if landing in water, see above).
- With respect to nets, I seem to remember watching a movie as a young Not_Karlie in which a Concorde (or maybe a fictional SST) was successfully slowed down with like a million of them.

I'm somewhat surprised that he did not propose the good old detachable cabin.

Apparently Evanie does not like the idea of ballistic parachutes...
International Ban ALL Aeroplanies Association, founder and president.

"I think, based on the types of aircraft listed, you're pretty much guaranteed a fiery death."
- Contemporary Poet flyboy2548m to a Foffie.

User avatar
flyboy2548m
Posts: 4383
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2008 12:32 am
Location: Ormond Beach, FL

Re: Seen there: Various suggestions for safety improvements.

Postby flyboy2548m » Thu Apr 13, 2017 12:53 am

...from one of Flyboy's countrymen as opposed to Deutschland.
Since when am I a Polak?
"Lav sinks on 737 Max are too small"

-TeeVee, one of America's finest legal minds.

User avatar
3WE
Posts: 8133
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:37 pm
Location: Flyover, America

Re: Seen there: Various suggestions for safety improvements.

Postby 3WE » Thu Apr 13, 2017 1:59 am

...from one of Flyboy's countrymen as opposed to Deutschland.
Since when am I a Polak?
All you Easterners look alike...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rb0QLxcvowk
Commercial Pilot, Vandelay Industries, Inc., Plant Nutrient Division.

User avatar
Not_Karl
Previously banned for not socially distancing
Posts: 4126
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2009 6:12 pm
Location: Bona Nitogena y otra gaso, Argentina

Re: Seen there: Various suggestions for safety improvements.

Postby Not_Karl » Thu Apr 13, 2017 3:23 am

...from one of Flyboy's countrymen as opposed to Deutschland.
Since when am I a Polak?
All you Easterners look alike...
Isn't he as American as apple pie and blame?
Image
:mrgreen:
International Ban ALL Aeroplanies Association, founder and president.

"I think, based on the types of aircraft listed, you're pretty much guaranteed a fiery death."
- Contemporary Poet flyboy2548m to a Foffie.

User avatar
Gabriel
Posts: 3659
Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 2:55 am
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina

Re: Seen there: Various suggestions for safety improvements.

Postby Gabriel » Thu Apr 13, 2017 5:24 am

All you Easterners look alike...
Yes! Yellow!!!

(What? Not that Easterners?)

User avatar
elaw
Posts: 2047
Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:01 pm
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Contact:

Re: Seen there: Various suggestions for safety improvements.

Postby elaw » Thu Apr 13, 2017 11:39 am

Isn't he as American as apple pie and blame?
Apple pie was brought to the colonies by the British, Dutch, and Swedes during the 17th and 18th centuries.
:mrgreen: :mrgreen:
HR consultant, Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems, Inc.

User avatar
Not_Karl
Previously banned for not socially distancing
Posts: 4126
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2009 6:12 pm
Location: Bona Nitogena y otra gaso, Argentina

Re: Seen there: Various suggestions for safety improvements.

Postby Not_Karl » Thu Apr 13, 2017 1:56 pm

Isn't he as American as apple pie and blame?
Apple pie was brought to the colonies by the British, Dutch, and Swedes during the 17th and 18th centuries.
:mrgreen: :mrgreen:
My whole life is a lie! :cry:
As american as greasy fast food, then?
International Ban ALL Aeroplanies Association, founder and president.

"I think, based on the types of aircraft listed, you're pretty much guaranteed a fiery death."
- Contemporary Poet flyboy2548m to a Foffie.

User avatar
3WE
Posts: 8133
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:37 pm
Location: Flyover, America

Re: Seen there: Various suggestions for safety improvements.

Postby 3WE » Thu Apr 13, 2017 6:21 pm

Isn't he as American as apple pie and blame?
Apple pie was brought to the colonies by the British, Dutch, and Swedes during the 17th and 18th centuries.
:mrgreen: :mrgreen:
My whole life is a lie! :cry:
As american as greasy fast food, then?
America also invented Pizza and French Fries, Chinese food and Chimichangas as proven by an internet search: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yv7UJLOyERs

Also note that it contains a Frenchman.
Commercial Pilot, Vandelay Industries, Inc., Plant Nutrient Division.

User avatar
elaw
Posts: 2047
Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:01 pm
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Contact:

Re: Seen there: How to stop tired stupid pilots from crashing.

Postby elaw » Thu Apr 13, 2017 6:40 pm

And let's not forget the king of all foods:
Image
HR consultant, Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems, Inc.

User avatar
3WE
Posts: 8133
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:37 pm
Location: Flyover, America

Re: Seen there: How to stop tired stupid pilots from crashing.

Postby 3WE » Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:31 pm

And let's not forget the king of all foods:
Image
Wrong.

That's British.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anwy2MPT5RE

Thank you, Sickbag.
Commercial Pilot, Vandelay Industries, Inc., Plant Nutrient Division.

User avatar
elaw
Posts: 2047
Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:01 pm
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Contact:

Re: Seen there: How to stop tired stupid pilots from crashing.

Postby elaw » Fri Apr 14, 2017 12:28 am

Bloody vikings! :mrgreen:
HR consultant, Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems, Inc.

User avatar
Not_Karl
Previously banned for not socially distancing
Posts: 4126
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2009 6:12 pm
Location: Bona Nitogena y otra gaso, Argentina

Re: Seen there: Various suggestions for safety improvements.

Postby Not_Karl » Fri Apr 14, 2017 1:22 am

America also invented Pizza and Freedom Fries, Chinese food and Chimichangas.
Fixed.
International Ban ALL Aeroplanies Association, founder and president.

"I think, based on the types of aircraft listed, you're pretty much guaranteed a fiery death."
- Contemporary Poet flyboy2548m to a Foffie.

User avatar
Ancient Mariner
Posts: 3774
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2008 5:24 pm

Re: Seen there: How to stop tired stupid pilots from crashing.

Postby Ancient Mariner » Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:16 pm

Bloody vikings! :mrgreen:
What did we do? Except from some mild trading and a bit of exploring?
Per

User avatar
Not_Karl
Previously banned for not socially distancing
Posts: 4126
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2009 6:12 pm
Location: Bona Nitogena y otra gaso, Argentina

Re: Seen there: How to stop tired stupid pilots from crashing.

Postby Not_Karl » Mon May 01, 2017 5:47 am

External airbags, of course! :clap:
International Ban ALL Aeroplanies Association, founder and president.

"I think, based on the types of aircraft listed, you're pretty much guaranteed a fiery death."
- Contemporary Poet flyboy2548m to a Foffie.

User avatar
3WE
Posts: 8133
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:37 pm
Location: Flyover, America

Re: Seen there: How to stop tired stupid pilots from crashing.

Postby 3WE » Mon May 01, 2017 4:27 pm

External airbags, of course! :clap:
I had this book as a kid:

https://www.amazon.com/Great-Internatio ... 0671211293

It would almost be worth it for Not_Karl and Gabriel (when he's in town) to take a trip together to the Good Air's Biblioteca Pública, check this out and study it.

(or you guys order one for Argentina and I get one for Me, Eric (and flyboy?) to share from Amazon)

Not only does this book lay out the plans for great aircraft that fly beautifully with no input from FBW computers NOR flawed human beings...

It contains some basic diagrams for the Super-Sonic-Detachable-Wing (acronym SSDW).

An outstanding concept that we should have adopted long ago!

You jettison the wings (and all of that nasty, fire-feeding fuel), and then a series of three different sizes of parachutes slows the plane to a nice, gentle landing.

Plus, the thing is super sonic.

(If only the Concorde had these features, but hey, what else do you expect from the Frenchmen?)
Commercial Pilot, Vandelay Industries, Inc., Plant Nutrient Division.

User avatar
Not_Karl
Previously banned for not socially distancing
Posts: 4126
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2009 6:12 pm
Location: Bona Nitogena y otra gaso, Argentina

Re: Seen there: How to stop tired stupid pilots from crashing.

Postby Not_Karl » Mon May 01, 2017 10:52 pm

or you guys order one for Argentina
Unable; fascist-liberal-commie-imperialist-conservative-xenophobe-dumb-gun-and fast food-loving-ignorant-trumpist-clintonian-American Amazon does not ship to Argentina :x :x . (...and importing items is a pretty tedious and sucky experience, anyway).
but hey, what else do you expect from the Frenchmen?)
Surrender?

SSDW is an interesting concept. Maybe we should propose it there? They love acronyms!

I had a book with instructions and colorful sheets of paper to make paper planes when I was younger...
International Ban ALL Aeroplanies Association, founder and president.

"I think, based on the types of aircraft listed, you're pretty much guaranteed a fiery death."
- Contemporary Poet flyboy2548m to a Foffie.

User avatar
3WE
Posts: 8133
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:37 pm
Location: Flyover, America

THERE HAS BEEN A NEAR TOTAL GLORIOUS DISCOVERY!!!!!

Postby 3WE » Mon May 01, 2017 11:19 pm

SSDW is an interesting concept. Maybe we should propose it there? They love acronyms!
3BS STILL HAS HIS GREAT INTERNATIONAL PAPER AIRPLANE BOOK, AND HAS LOCATED THE PROPOSAL FOR THE SSDW.

Stand by for a great safety-improvement idea to be posted...there.
Commercial Pilot, Vandelay Industries, Inc., Plant Nutrient Division.

User avatar
Not_Karl
Previously banned for not socially distancing
Posts: 4126
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2009 6:12 pm
Location: Bona Nitogena y otra gaso, Argentina

Re: THERE HAS BEEN A NEAR TOTAL GLORIOUS DISCOVERY!!!!!

Postby Not_Karl » Mon May 01, 2017 11:22 pm

SSDW is an interesting concept. Maybe we should propose it there? They love acronyms!
3BS STILL HAS HIS GREAT INTERNATIONAL PAPER AIRPLANE BOOK, AND HAS LOCATED THE PROPOSAL FOR THE SSDW.

Stand by for a great safety-improvement idea to be posted...there.
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Should I prepare some microwave popcorn in advance?
International Ban ALL Aeroplanies Association, founder and president.

"I think, based on the types of aircraft listed, you're pretty much guaranteed a fiery death."
- Contemporary Poet flyboy2548m to a Foffie.

User avatar
elaw
Posts: 2047
Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:01 pm
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Contact:

Re: THERE HAS BEEN A NEAR TOTAL GLORIOUS DISCOVERY!!!!!

Postby elaw » Mon May 01, 2017 11:32 pm

Stand by for a great safety-improvement idea to be posted...there.
Airbags for paper airplanes?
HR consultant, Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems, Inc.

User avatar
3WE
Posts: 8133
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:37 pm
Location: Flyover, America

Re: THERE HAS BEEN A NEAR TOTAL GLORIOUS DISCOVERY!!!!!

Postby 3WE » Mon May 01, 2017 11:44 pm

Should I prepare some microwave popcorn in advance?
Airbags for paper airplanes?
You must come to Flyover. I will supply beer and popcorn made with GMO vegetable oil and butter.

You can easily get to Flyover by booking three or four connecting flights through major hubs (at really cheap Internet fares). Please try to be compliant with the crew and hopefully you will not be subjected to an overbooking involuntary deplaning (and hopefully weather and maintenance will allow you to arrive with in 24 hours of the scheduled time, per the COC).

We will review the Great International Paper Airplane book, and hang out at the airport fence and roughly once an hour catch an aircraft taking off or landing...we can take unfocused, poorly-lit, photos with distracting background clutter. I can show you once, nice subdivisions, cleared for a 1-billion dollar runway to handle lots of TWA aircraft- including turbo-prop puddle jumpers from many "Essential-Service-Towns" in Middle America. However, we are not likely to see a wide-body aircraft.
Commercial Pilot, Vandelay Industries, Inc., Plant Nutrient Division.

User avatar
Not_Karl
Previously banned for not socially distancing
Posts: 4126
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2009 6:12 pm
Location: Bona Nitogena y otra gaso, Argentina

Re: THERE HAS BEEN A NEAR TOTAL GLORIOUS DISCOVERY!!!!!

Postby Not_Karl » Tue May 02, 2017 12:19 am

You must come to Flyover. I will supply beer and popcorn made with GMO vegetable oil and butter.

You can easily get to Flyover by booking three or four connecting flights through major hubs (at really cheap Internet fares). Please try to be compliant with the crew and hopefully you will not be subjected to an overbooking involuntary deplaning (and hopefully weather and maintenance will allow you to arrive with in 24 hours of the scheduled time, per the COC).

We will review the Great International Paper Airplane book, and hang out at the airport fence and roughly once an hour catch an aircraft taking off or landing...we can take unfocused, poorly-lit, photos with distracting background clutter. I can show you once, nice subdivisions, cleared for a 1-billion dollar runway to handle lots of TWA aircraft- including turbo-prop puddle jumpers from many "Essential-Service-Towns" in Middle America. However, we are not likely to see a wide-body aircraft.
I don't know... the offer is tempting, but I fear I may have become a foffie :oops: . I'm having a recurring nightmare where I try to retrieve my carry-on luggage from a burning plane and then an elderly captain zip-ties me while a retired paramedic stomps over me :cry:
International Ban ALL Aeroplanies Association, founder and president.

"I think, based on the types of aircraft listed, you're pretty much guaranteed a fiery death."
- Contemporary Poet flyboy2548m to a Foffie.

User avatar
3WE
Posts: 8133
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:37 pm
Location: Flyover, America

Re: THERE HAS BEEN A NEAR TOTAL GLORIOUS DISCOVERY!!!!!

Postby 3WE » Tue May 02, 2017 1:27 am

I don't know... the offer is tempting, but I fear I may have become a foffie :oops: . I'm having a recurring nightmare where I try to retrieve my carry-on luggage from a burning plane and then an elderly captain zip-ties me while a retired paramedic stomps over me :cry:
Concur.

That plus dual ELACAS failure, totally unpredictable clear-air-turbulence, no TOPMS, obsolete electronic systems, pilot-bathroom-break-with-only-one-person-in-the-cockpit-enhanced suicide and relentless pull ups and no SSDW system...

...one is pretty much guaranteed a fiery death (as flyboy once suggested). :shock:
Commercial Pilot, Vandelay Industries, Inc., Plant Nutrient Division.

User avatar
3WE
Posts: 8133
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2008 2:37 pm
Location: Flyover, America

Re: Seen there: How to stop tired stupid pilots from crashing.

Postby 3WE » Wed May 03, 2017 3:17 pm

The resolution of my scan of the SSDW there was a bit on the fuzzy side. Sharing it here, as it is kind of fun to look at the great thought that went into things AND as to how we outsiders handled our great safety ideas in the late 1960's, long before internet-supported parlour talk.

Edit: I also love including a semi-official citation credit: Edward E. Keyse, in The Great International Paper Airplane Book. By Jerry Mander, George Dippel and Howard Gossage. Simon and Schuster, New York. 1967. P. 46.

And the statement that the although the book is mostly about paper airplanes, it also contained a section on ideas for 'real' aircraft.
Scan_20170501.jpg
Scan_20170501.jpg (1.58 MiB) Viewed 8169 times
Commercial Pilot, Vandelay Industries, Inc., Plant Nutrient Division.


Return to “Aviation Safety Discussion Forum”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 15 guests